the 12th Blood Donation

Finally, since August last year. It is my 12th. Wanted to donate 4 times a year but didn't manage to do so till now. Well, I guess twice a year also good enough.

脚印

最近的事

29日七月2011我终于毕业了，拿到了硕士学位。两年多的努力和奔波终于结束了。感觉轻松多了。

最近发觉白发长了好多，拍的照片也看到了岁月不饶人。毕竟可以说中年人了吧！

最近开始喝咖啡了，平均一天三杯。喝了好爱睡。

最近都到处看房子，终于买了。明年竣工。

最近还比上硕士学位时忙，忙些什么？学生， 家庭，工作，健康。

最近给学生补习，希望可以让他们考好一点。

最近多了一个人要照顾，希望可以照顾的好，好像照顾自己的春晖一样。妈妈不在已久。没什么机会报答她老人家。

最近很疲累，都有睡午觉，也很懒惰早起。起身后又在沙发上睡觉了。

明天开课了，会更忙。

My Blood

me, having my pressure check

my blood on its' way

Total amount of blood donated on 26 August

What Can I Do?

fetching mother in law back from Singapore at KL, been staying with us for 3 days, she is showing us her ability to live on her own and wanted to live alone in Penang. We had explained to her that she can't do that anymore ever since the heart attack in January. She had been staying in KL with the eldest son for 3 months but ended up fighting with the son. The son was disappointed with the mother and asked her dun ever come to stay with him anymore.

So, she had to go all the way to Singapore where her second son the youngest daughter are staying there. She has been talking about staying on her own again. Saying that her time is near that she doesn't want to die in Singapore and requested to come home. With no arrangement, she keep on saying that she is capable to take care of herself.

Before the incident, the children been asking her to stay with them. But she said she lost her freedom if she did that. At last, she said if one day she is not capable of taking care of herself, she will stay with the children. But now, after the attacked, she still think that she is able to take care of herself. The children finding hard to make her understand. Most of them gave up. She hardly can walk now and feel tired all the time, yet she wanted to stay on here own. We are trying our best to make her feel welcome. But she insisted to stay alone.

We told her if she has heart attack again, no ones there to help her. She said she is fine, if she has heart attack, leave everything to God. The problems are more complicated that I can ever utter. It is just driving everybody crazy thinking of solution and option to purpose to her.

孩子生病了

星期一孩子突然发烧，不知到他发烧因为，他一直都投诉眼晴痛，后来才知道。昨天没睡，孩子闹，先生没办忙。不知怎么办，好多东西还没做，不知可否毕业？烦，身体特别肩膀痛，我想压力吧！

To Singapore

10.15 flight to Singapore, accompany mother in law to Singapore for 5 days, didn't bring my thesis with me means no work. A bit worry as I haven't doing anything. Called my course mate last night to wish her good luck, she is attending viva on Wednesday at 9am. Hope to meet her and another course mate who is in Paris now, admiring both of them each of them have unique ways of handling turbulence in life, always calling them when I encounter any hi cups and obstacles in life. Especially, the friend in Paris, she is really calm and pious, always pray to God (Allah) to seek strength and guidance.

Will be back on Saturday. Hope it is going to be a pleasant flight and harmony stay in Singapore.

Viva 2/3/2011

Akhirnya, dapat juga tarikh untuk Viva ijazah sarjana saya. Dah lama menunggu, puas telefon tentang tarikh viva, harap ini tarikhnya tiada sebarang perubahan lagi, sudah naik bosan tunggu, dan sudah tidak ada motivasi untuk meneruskan perjalanan ini lagi. Dekat empat tahun menempuh ranjau dan onak untuk mengejar impian ini, adakah berbaloi? sudah menjadi tanda tanya.

Rancang hendak membaca dan membuat slide mulai hari ini, tapi tak jadi, macam mana ni? banyak dalam fikiran bercelaru, berkecamuk, entahlah, prepare for the worst.

无奈

这个星期心情非常糟糕，压力，烦恼，心痛。好疲累，疲惫。何时可以平静，何时可以无忧。以为可以逃出这个地方，到新的环境去。满怀的希望，泡汤了。苦涩，懊恼。

Eraser and Pencil, Parents and Children, Teachers and Students

Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorr...y cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)


I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.

I think teachers too are like the eraser

终于可以休息一下了

这几个星期好忙，抗起同事的工作。真的很累。幸好有假期可以休息一下(希望可以真正休息)。可是，我想休息是不可能的。只是可以放下脚步，不必赶。工作还是有一大堆。
很亏欠孩子，没有好好陪他，还有先生也一样。这个放假希望可以好好的睡, 好好的陪家人。

心情糟透了

这两天吃了好多的巧克力。体重增加，心情不见得好。很想出去走走。可是不知去那好？以前如果生气也只不过几个小时，最多一天吧。可是已经两天了，气还是不能消。为何？很想马上离开这个地方，不是逃避。只是不知怎么面对。好烦。请你带我出去兜兜风我的他。真的好烦。

So Many Death

today, I have been listening to calls and chatting with my students, all bad news, about my student's parents passed away of cancer, my ex-colleagues passed away of cancer. My work recently has been very stressful, worry about my own health too. I MUST learn to let go. RIP to them.

Life is Getting Tough

Slept only 4 hours, felt so tired. I even took a 5 minutes rest at school till I didn't notice that my student is sitting beside waiting to ask me for dictionary. I gave 5K students BM grammar as homework as Monday is holiday ( 3 sheets of working papers with around 40 questions). It is the best time to drill them on that matter. It was okay today. I did feel glad that they don't grumble as much. One of the student said Thank you to me. I don't think so they have to do exercises whenever there is any public holidays.

Well, the scenario is totally different in the other class. The moment I step in the class, there are students request that I don't teach today with all sort of absurd excuses, blaming the weather is too hot to study. I have to yell as the surrounding and there are students who keep on chit chatting although been warned for few times, those who wanted to study keep asking to continue and dun bother those annoyed students. I just can't stand their attitude anymore, if only I could just teach those who wanted to study and left those. I feel that I failed to be a teach as I can't teach, they prefer to copy, they don't want me to talk. It is like copying is their way of getting homework done. They will waiting for the answer, they won't even bother to try. It is like the teacher asking questions and answering the questions ( sound so stupid).

When I confronted them, they were saying that I should be happy as they attended my class. Should I? They told me that they don't even bother to enter other teacher's class. I only hope that they listen to me not giving me "face" to stay in the class and chit chat away.

Today, there is an tournament going on in the school compound. Lot of students are absent and in some classes, the room is empty, the students truant to go and watch the match even though they have been warned not to do that. No action taken so far and tomorrow is the final matches. Students have been telling me that they won't come to school. How am I going to survive in such an environment?

Blood Donation Finally

I went to hospital the other day (Thursday)with my father, but it was late after seeing the doctor, my father has to travel back home. So, I didn't go the Blood Bank at hospital. On Friday, I was at campus, thought of donating blood at hospital nearby, but called the hospital, and the nurse told me that they don't have that kind of service, asked me to go to the bigger hospital 25km away. So, I called the hospital, but the nurse said, they only accept donation before 5pm. It was 4pm and don't think I can make it. So, I went to hospital the place I used to donate blood, but it was closed. They are out to and have campaign at two major hypermarket in town. As, I am going to that hypermarket to shop for clothes for my husband and son. So, after taking lunch, I went to the counter to register and waiting for my turn. Feel the pain when the nurse poke the needle, I guessed, I dare not look, not even once, scared to see, I always look away.

孩子们 ：当我老了。。。 Anakku

当我老了，不再是原来的我。

请理解我，对我有一点耐心。
(Apabila aku sudah tua, bukan lagi seperti aku yang dulu.
Tolong memahami diriku, beriku sedikit kesabaranmu.)

当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时，当我忘记怎样袭鞋带时，
请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你。
(Apabila aku tertumpah kuah sayur ke bajuku, apabila aku lupa bagaimana hendak mengikat tali kasutku, tolong ingat kembali bagaimana aku mengajarmu dulu)

当我一遍又一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语，

请耐心地听我说，不要打断我。

你小的时候，我不得不重复那个讲过千百遍的故事，直到你进入梦乡。
(Apabila aku mengulangi kata-kata yang telah anda jemu mendengarinya, tolong mendengarnya dengan sabar, tolong jangan mencelah. Semasa anda kecil, saya tidak boleh tidak mengulangi seribu satu kali membaca buku cerita itu sehingga anda tidur)

当我需要你帮我洗澡时，
请不要责备我。
还记得小时候我千方百计哄你洗澡的情形吗？
(Apabila aku perlu anda tolong mandikanku, tolong jangan salahkan aku. Masih kau ingat keadaan anda pada waktu kecil dulu bagaimana saya memikirkan seribu satu cara memujuk anda untuk mandi?)

当我对新科技和新事务不知所措时，
请不要嘲笑我。
想一想当初我怎么样耐心地回答你的每一个“为什么”。
(Apabila aku tidak tahu apa-apa tentang teknologi baharu dan perkara baharu, jangan kertawakan aku. Fikirkanlah bagaimana aku dengan sabar menjawab setiap "mengapa" yang anda utarakan)

当我由于双腿疲劳而无法行走时，
请伸出你年轻有力的手扶我。
就像你小时候学习走路时，我扶你那样。
(Apabila kedua-dua kakiku lenguh dan tidak dapat berjalan, tolong hulurkan tangan anda yang kuat untuk memapahku seperti pada masa anda belajar berjalan, aku memapah anda)

当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题，
请给我一些时间让我回想。
其实对我来说，谈论什么并不重要，
只要你能在一旁听我说，我就很满足。
(Apabila aku tiba-tiba lupa akan tajuk perbualan kita, tolong berikan aku sedikit masa untuk imbas kembali. Sebenarnya, bagiku, tidak kira apa yang kita bincangkan, asalkan anda berada di sisiku dan mendengar percakapanku, aku sudah berpuas hati)

当你看着老去的我，请不要伤悲。
理解我，支持我，就像你刚开始学习如何生活时我对你那样。
(Apabila anda melihat diriku yang sudah tua, tolong jangan berasa sedih. Memahami diriku, menyokongku, seperti apa yang aku lakukan semasa anda mula-mula belajar bagaimana hendak menghadapi kehidupan ini)

当初我引导你走上人生的路，如今请陪伴我走完最后的路。

给我你的爱和耐心，我会抱以感激的微笑，

这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。
(Dulu, semasa aku mendidik anda menjalani kehidupan ini, Kini, tolong menemaniku menjalani sisa hidupku ni. Berikan aku kasih dan kesabaranmu, aku akan berterima kasih dengan senyumanku, senyumanku ini penuh dengan kasih sayangku yang tidak berbelah bagi untukmu)

教国语：马来文

进大学那年，登记那天是我二十一岁生日。不知要读什么课系。家人都要我把教育系放在第一个选择。以为不会中，因为其他五个选择都是商科。太幸运了。就这样进了槟城理科大学教育系。主修马来文，副修历史。要主修马来文可不容易，还得经过面试，面试时需要用Bahasa Melayu Baku。结果不到十位华裔学生主修马来文。

当老师十三年了，教马来文十年，因为在二零零零年拿到奖学金去修电脑课一年。零七年，修硕士学位也是修电脑科系到明年应该可以顺利毕业。

三种语文，对我来说，马来文最容易，华语最难。我一家人都这样，姐姐妹妹，弟弟，大家的马来文都比华语好(考试分数可以证明这点).

毕业后，是否回学校，还不知道。如果没回学校，就没有机会再教马来文了。

Mother & Son

For the past few months, I hardly see them.

Today, at around 12:55 pm, I saw them and managed to catch the mother's care of her son

Under the hot sun, the mother will push her bicycle with the son sitting behind. Didn't see her paddle not even once. She will push her son (not sure from where to where) who is handicapped.

A mother and his son

Mother and Son

Lately, I didn't the mother and son around my housing area. I used to see them together. The mother will push her bicycle with the son sitting at the back. Not sure their journey started where or where is their destination, but I am sure the mother is sending her son to the training center for OKU(handicapped) just around my housing area. The mother is pushing the bicycle instead of riding it because, I think she is worry that her son will fall.